Adventures in Wonderland
by InzanityFirez
Summary: Oz spots a white rabbit in waistcoat and follows him down the rabbit hole, followed by Alice and Gilbert to the 'rescue'.  But when Alice is kidnapped by the Queen of Hearts, it's up to Oz and Gilbert to save the day in the strange world of 'Wonderland'.
1. Torture is Sweeter in Pink

**Ohhh, how I plotted this idea the past couple of days, and I've gone so far as to toy with a sequel if this one goes well. (Seeing as the original has a sequel and all ;D~) XD Researching Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, I was shocked to see how many allusions in PH I'd missed, such as 'Dinah' which is her cat as well…I don't think there's a pairing in this, it's just pure awesomeness…hopefully ;-; XD ENJOY!~**

"Hold your breath and suck in your stomach, it will hurt less then…"

"Let go of me! Nnngh…I won't do it!"

"Don't be silly, it's tradition."

"I can't wear this!"

"Vessalius heirs have been wearing it for generations…"

"Well not this one! Please! I don't need to be the Duke, really!"

"Don't talk nonsense." Oscar Vessalius chided his nephew lightly as he tied the last bit of the ensemble shut.

Today was an auspicious day. A ceremony in honor of Oz's approaching ascension. Ten years had passed, long enough to declare Zai Vessalius dead and Oz the new heir…they'd worked over the stipulation of his lack of having Gryphon as a Chain in favor of having a present Duke. It was all contingent upon today though, sort of. The ceremony was a pre-ascension ceremony where a representative from each house, generally the current head, would pay their respects to the prospective duke or duchess and grant their approval or disapproval, the majority was needed for the ascension to be completed. And it always was, the ceremony was more for show and tradition than an actual democratic decision. The legal blood heir, and the one who formed a contract with the house guardian would inevitably become the head. The current lack of Gryphon was a technicality at the moment.

And part of tradition involved wearing the clothes made by the first duchess, after Jack had died and the Vessalius family had gone from a minor noble family to take the place of the Baskerville family as a ducal house.

"P-please, Uncle. I can't even breathe…"

"Well…it was designed a bit oddly…and the duchess' son was a bit smaller than you, granted he wasn't the one ascending at that time…but it's the closest match…" Oscar said thoughtfully.

There was a knock on the door. "Oz…are you alright?"

Oz blanched. "Gil? Go away! Don't come in!"

"What's going on in there?" Alice demanded as she slammed a fist against the door. "I wanna see what all this fuss is for." she grumbled.

"No! Both of you, go! Now!"

Outside, Alice and Gilbert exchanged a glance. Oz sounded fairly…ruffled. Just what did the costume look like that had him so upset, and just how tight was it?

"And now for the finishing touch.." Oscar murmured as he adjusted it in Oz's hair.

"U-Uncle! You can't be, h-hey! No! I'm not coming out like this, stop!"

The door was opened and Gilbert and Alice stared, but Oz had hidden himself behind Oscar.

Oscar chuckled. "Now, now…" he shoved Oz forward and he seemed to be hiding laughter through a cough.

Oz, in a rare moment of embarrassment, flushed crimson while Gilbert and Alice's eyes widened.

"Oz is wearing…a pink dress?" Alice queried and Oz groaned.

In fact, it was not a dress, but an old-fashioned dress robe that had been considered very fashionable amongst nobility…predating even the time that it had been made. But the duchess hadn't exactly had her wits about her when it came to fashion sense. So the dress robe had been made for her second youngest son, complete with a little half-suit underneath, all in the Vessalius white as a base…but smothered in pink. Pink trimmings, pink bands, even pink faux roses, such as the one adorning the white cap in Oz's hair. It was also rather tight on him, making his small body look more slender and with the way the hat pushed his hair…he looked rather…feminine.

Gilbert felt himself flush slightly as he stared at his young master, fighting horror, a sense of fascination, and sympathy coupled with the urge to…he snorted and covered his mouth quickly as Oz shot him a glare.

"If you laugh, Gilbert…I will personally strangle you…" Oz warned with a pout as he crossed his arms.

He couldn't help it. With his arms crossed like that… Gilbert burst into laughter and he quickly covered his mouth again, but a few muffled laughs escaped anyway. Oz did look fairly like a girl in a dress, and an admittedly lovely one.

Oz's eyes widened as Gilbert actually laughed at him before he ran back into his room, horrified. "I never want to see you again, Gil, you traitor!" he cried as he hid himself under his blankets.

"Don't say that, Oz…" Gilbert followed the other into the room and stared down at the lump on the bed that was Oz. "You look very…"

"One more word, Gilbert, just one." Oz's tone was a warning and Gilbert silenced. "Lousy servant…mocking his master.." Oz complained and Gilbert set a hand on the lump on what he devised to be Oz's back. "Sorry, Oz, it's just…you look so-"

"One. Word." Oz reminded Gilbert and he silenced again, but he couldn't stop his smile. It was times like these that he loved. Just…interacting with his master like this, their camaraderie.

Alice came over and jerked the blanket away and Oz groaned and buried his head in his arms.

"Why's it so…pink?" she demanded with a frown at Oscar.

"Well…the duchess at the time was very fond of that color…she felt that it was very appropriate for a young Vessalius noble…"

"Can't I wear something else, Uncle?" Oz pleaded.

"It's just for today. Do it for me?" Oscar batted his eyes at Oz who pouted. "That's no fair, Uncle…"

"All the ascending Vessalius males before you have worn it, it's tradition for all family participating."

"So…then Gil's-"

"-Is pink too, yes."

Oz chuckled deviously and Gilbert let himself process those words a moment before his eyes widened. "Wait…_what_?" At Oz's growing smirk, he took a step back and shook his head. "Don't tell me.." he said weakly.

"Yup! You're in the ceremony, Gil!" Oz said brightly. "And now that you're a noble too, there's no excuse for you to miss it!"

"But…" Gilbert said weakly.

Oz frowned. "What is it?" he demanded, he was getting annoyed by Gilbert's less-than-thrilled reactions.

"…to participate in that ceremony…that is only for members of the Vessalius family…and as a Nightray especially, it would be-"

"Your last name may be Nightray, but you're definitely Vessalius first and foremost." Oz announced. "So of course, you'll be by my side with Ada."

Gilbert's eyes widened. "You mean…for _that_ role? Oz…I can't…"

"Of course you can! I say so." Oz said brightly.

It was customary for any siblings to stand at the side of the one ascending, they would each present a token of their kinship with their blessing, and stand at his side when he received a ducal sheathe that would later house the ducal sword at his ascension.

"Oz…that's…for your…" he trailed off. "I'm not…worthy of that position…"

"And why's that?" Oz asked with a frown.

"…if nothing else, I'm not a Vessalius, I can't be in that position. I have no right to give you my blessing…I'm not your family…"

Oz froze as he stared up at Gilbert for a moment and golden eyes widened slightly as he realized how that had come out. "What I mean is-"

"It's okay, Gil." Oz smiled brightly. "You don't have to if you don't want to. Say, has anyone seen Elliot yet, I'd let to get his turn at mocking over with." Oz chuckled and rose with his hands outstretched like a child as he darted out of the room.

"Oz-" but he was already gone.

The glare Alice gave him was chilling and Oscar sighed heavily. "Is that really what you think? That you aren't a member of the Vessalius family?"

"W-Well I…after what I did…"

"You did it to save my nephew. His own father tried to banish him to the Abyss. It just goes to show you that family is more than blood, or birth. Since the moment I found you in that garden, you've been a Vessalius, and since the moment you signed that contract…you've been family to Oz, and he has to you, hasn't he? So is it so strange that he'd want you by his side, fulfilling the role a brother would?" Gilbert's mouth opened and closed. What could he say? Oz was his family…but…he wasn't a part of the Vessalius family, he had no prestige, he was just an orphan who had wound up with a ducal family behind him. That didn't give him the right to stand at Oz's side in the position of…a brother.

"Even without blood, you are my precious son just as Oz is…" Oscar murmured and Gilbert felt a flare of guilt.

"Enough talking!" Alice snapped. "You hurt Oz's feelings!"

"Huh?" Gilbert stared down at her in surprise. It was such a strange thing for her to say.

"Sharon told me about feelings…and about how you can hurt other peoples feelings, that it feels like being sad…well, you hurt Oz's! Saying that you don't want to be his family-"

"-I didn't-"

"It sure sounded like it to me! So go apologize, seaweed-head!" she demanded with her arms crossed. "It's obvious that you're part of his little 'family' whatever good all this family stuff is worth…seems like a lot of trouble to me…but it doesn't change things. If Oz wants you by his side, then you should be proud! You should want to be by his side, don't you feel possessive for it? Would you rather he have someone else at his side in your place?" Alice asked with a glare.

"In my place?" The thought of someone else at Oz's side, if he were ever replaced…that thought pained him. Hadn't he thought that Alice had replaced him? But it was Gilbert that Oz wanted by his side, to fulfill the position of a brother and pass on his blessing for Oz's ascension. He was so worried about declining for all of his reasons of lack of worth, but when it came down to it, truly…he wanted that position, didn't he? He wanted it to be his, he wanted to be worthy of it, he wished…Gilbert wished that it was for him to have and to be…but it wasn't, was it?

"Come on, stupid seaweed-head. We're gonna find Oz." she announced as she shoved Gilbert towards the door and headed out with him, while Oscar looked on with a smile.

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Oz sat alone under a tree as he idly twirled a strand of grass around his finger with his legs pulled up against his chest.

"_I'm not your family."_

Those words made him ache more than he cared to admit. Oz had always thought that Gilbert felt the same. He had grown fond of the other quickly, but he'd still been hesitant, he couldn't believe that someone would always be faithful and loyal…but Gilbert proved him wrong and in taking care of the other, in being by his side, in learning together and laughing together, in living together…he'd come to find Gilbert necessary in his life. Oz saw him as his servant, best friend…and brother.

But apparently…perhaps…Oz really was only a beloved master to Gilbert, and he would never get past that to be 'family'.

Oz felt a tell-tell sting in his eyes but that was as far as he allowed that to go. His emerald eyes flicked upwards in time to catch a flash of white and he blinked in surprise before his eyes widened. A large rabbit in a waistcoat with a pocket watch was chanting.

"I'm late. I'm late. I'm late! Oh…she'll have my head!" the rabbit fussed and Oz stared, stunned.

"Oz…Oz!" he heard Gilbert's voice and he looked over to see Gilbert and Alice as they approached but it was the rabbit that had his attention. "Hey, wait!" Oz called after the rabbit as he chased after it and a confused Gilbert and Alice soon followed.

"Ooh, so late!" the rabbit fussed as it suddenly disappeared. Oz was confused…until he realized that it hadn't just disappeared…it had slipped into a hole…the same as he, in his chase, did not notice until he'd already fallen in….

"Oz!" One moment, Gilbert and Alice had been searching for him and the next, he was running away from them. What was going on? And then…

"Oz!" this time, instead of being solely Gilbert, the pair shouted in unison as Oz disappeared from view and upon closer ipection, had fallen into a large hole.

"He's down there…you saw it, right, stupid rabbit?"

"Yeah. So let's get moving!" Alice announced as she leapt into the hole.

"H-Hey, wait!" …. "Stupid rabbit…" Gilbert leapt in after her. Come what may, he had to find his precious young master….

**(*falling asleep…XD I tried. Enjoy XD Next they'll be in Wonderland! Probably. XD **


	2. The Spiral Staircase Bellows

**Aww, you three rocked my world XD It brightened my work dayyyyyy. I get so happy. It's basically Me: *gets out of clean room suit, steps outside, checks phone, "REVIEWS AND ALERTS! *excited*" * XD *cough* Anyway. More planning and planning. I have such epic conversations in store. I am looking forward to writing a bit in the Carrol-ian style XD~ and of course, PH LOVE!~ And the running gag in this story will be girl-Oz, but you'll understand what I mean later XD~ And when the 'drink me' scene comes…clothes changed as well, because nudity is just awkward. XD**

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Oz was falling into the Abyss.

Or at least, for a moment, that was what it felt like.

But then swirls of color surrounded him and furniture that floated about him and by him as he plummeted down to the ground. He expected a great deal of pain but just before he hit, it was as if he'd bounced against air before settling against the ground with a _thump_. Oz rubbed the back of his head as he looked around with a furrowed brow. "What…?" he had followed that rabbit and now…-

Something slammed into him and he gasped lightly as he looked backwards to find Alice on top of him and Gilbert beside him.

"Alice…Gil? You came too?" he asked in surprise.

Alice, from atop Oz's back, scowled down at him. "Well obviously! What's the idea? You ignore us calling you and then just go and fall down some hole…you're so useless!" she growled.

Oz chuckled lightly. "Ah…" and then he squirmed. "Would you mind-"

Gilbert shoved her off before Oz could ask and he offered his young master a hand, when the other accepted, he pulled him up and kept him close with a hand on Oz's shoulder. "Are you alright, Oz?" he asked as he let his gaze wander around the strange room.

"Yeah, I'm fine…I was following a rabbit…he said that he was late…"

Alice and Gilbert simultaneously turned to stare at Oz a moment.

"The rabbit-" Gilbert started slowly.

"-Said that he was late?" Alice finished with a furrowed brow.

Oz nodded. "And he was wearing a waist coat."

Alice and Gilbert were silent before Gilbert lifted a hand to feel Oz's head. "Are you sure you're alright…did you maybe hit your head?" he asked in concern.

Oz scowled and batted Gilbert's hand away. "I saw it before I fell…besides…this isn't an ordinary rabbit hole, is it? Look at this place…"

Furniture floated above them and there were no doors save a small one in the corner little big enough for even a small animal to go through. There was a table in the middle of the room with a bottle labeled 'drink me' and a small cake labeled 'eat me', and a key. Oz ran his gaze over the writing before he picked up the bottle. "The room is sealed except for that door, the key probably opens it but we won't fit…and we can't climb up…maybe if we drink and eat this stuff…"

"Oz!" Gilbert snatched the bottle away from a momentarily surprised Oz. "You can't just drink this! It could be poison!" he chastised.

Oz pouted lightly. "What's the point of that in a place like this?" he held out his hand. "Just let me-"

"No!"

"Gil…"

Gilbert swallowed hard. His young master was using a stern face, but…he couldn't let the other drink it. What if it really were poison? He didn't want to drink it but if Oz was going to…

He tugged the cork free and took a small sip with a wince before he set it down on the table beside him as he considered it a moment. "It tastes like…a blueberry…a-agh!" his body began to tingle and in a _whoosh_ the room suddenly got very, very large. "O-Oz?"

Above him were _giants_. Oz and Alice as they stared down at Gilbert in shock. "Seaweed head?" Alice queried as she crouched down, astonished and Oz got down on his knees to peer down at Gilbert who was now no more than six inches tall.

Gilbert took a few steps backwards and he tripped over his own feet as he stared up at the others in stunned silence.

"Hey, careful!" Oz's hands suddenly loomed over Gilbert and he started to move away instinctively before they closed around him.

"O-Oz, don't!" Gilbert stammered. He wasn't a fan of heights, particularly not in his current position.

But Oz picked him up anyway and opened his palm to look down at Gilbert with a mixture of fascination and concern. He brought his right hand up to gently brush his finger against Gilbert's hair. "Gil got tiny…"

"It's because of that drink! I told you not to drink it!" Gilbert looked anxious now and Oz feared that his servant might be on the verge of tears. He hadn't seen Gilbert cry as an adult except for when he'd been drunk but a situation like this…just in case….

"So you drank it instead? Typical Gil. So lame. But you did it for me so I guess it's alright…" Oz patted the other's head lightly with a finger. "Do you feel alright, Gil?"

Gilbert nodded, but there was still a look of panic on his face. "What if…what if we can't fix this…?"

"Well…you can sleep on my pillow." Oz offered.

"That doesn't help at all!" Gilbert moaned, but secretly, he was grateful for the offer.

Oz's gaze softened. "We'll fix this, don't worry, Gil." he reassured the other and Gilbert found himself calming down already. He trusted Oz, there was no two ways about it and if Oz said that…he just found himself believing it.

Alice had watched the scene in silence, but she couldn't take it anymore. She burst out laughing. "Seaweed head looks like one of Sharon's dolls…I bet the clowny bastard would love this…" she snickered.

Gilbert blanched. Break would never let him live something like this down and would probably just torment him. "If you tell him, stupid rabbit-" he started to warn.

"Ooh, big talk coming from a doll." Alice snickered again and Gilbert flushed.

"Alice.." Oz chided as he poked Gilbert's stomach lightly. "It'll be our little secret, kay, Gil?" he smiled brightly at the other and Gilbert found his anxiety lessening a bit, no doubt Oz's intention.

"Thanks, Oz…" he mumbled.

Oz inclined his head before he rose and gently set Gilbert down on the table before he eyed the cake a moment. "Well…if this drink makes you small…then maybe the cake makes you big? It's worth a try, right? If you just take a little, maybe you'll be at the right size?" Oz suggested.

Gilbert frowned suspiciously at the cake. "I don't know…"

"It can't get any worse, can it?" Oz asked brightly and Gilbert grimaced before he sighed. "Fine then…" he muttered as he took a few stops towards the cake piece. He eyed it a moment before he took a bite, one that was larger than he'd intended.

"Well, Gil?" Oz queried.

"It's…strawberry." Gilbert said and then his eyes widened as he began to tingle and-

_Whoosh_.

Gilbert was relieved to feel himself growing and see Oz and Alice coming up level, and then he was taller as he should be…and then he simply kept growing…and growing….and growing.

"G-Gilbert, hey!" Oz exclaimed in surprise.

Oz and Alice moved aside together to avoid Gilbert's form as it began to grow. The danger of being squished seemed more imminent until large hands closed around them and lifted them up.

This time, Oz and Alice were on Gilbert's palm.

Oz stared up at his now giant servant slash best friend with yet another look of fascination and concern. "Gil…you're…a giant…"

Gilbert stared down at his young master and the stupid rabbit, stunned yet again before he muttered. " 'It can't get any worse', huh?"

Oz pouted and kicked at Gilbert's palm lightly. "Don't mock your master." he grumbled.

Gilbert looked faintly amused a moment before he simply looked miserable. "This is worse than being tiny…I can't be your servant like this! I can't even fit inside the manor!" he looked on the verge of tears again and Oz waved his hands in a 'nooo' gesture.

"Don't say that, Gil. No matter how tiny or large you are, you're my prized servant! So don't worry!"

Gilbert smiled weakly. "You say that now…but later…"

"I'll say the same thing." he said firmly. "And I was thinking…the drink makes you small, and the cake makes you big…and the door is very small…so maybe if we all drink the drink…we can get through the door?"

"No way! I don't wanna get small! And what if we're stuck, huh? It's seaweed head's own fault if he is." Alice announced and Gilbert was tempted to drop her, but Oz was in the same palm so he couldn't just do that. Even as tall as Gilbert was, they couldn't get out the rabbit hole and Gilbert would be stuck anyway…so…the only real option seemed to be through the door, and they'd have to get small to do that.

"Oz…I don't want you to drink it…" Gilbert said with a frown. Even if it wasn't poison (as of yet, anyway) to let his master drink such a thing…

Oz patted Gilbert's palm with a smile. "Aww, don't worry so much, Gil~ I'll be fine, aren't I always?"

Gilbert thought of the Abyss and his expression fell slightly and Oz kicked Gilbert's thumb. "Stop looking so sad, alright?"

"Sorry." Gilbert said immediately, just a response and Oz sighed.

Gilbert didn't like this idea, but there didn't seem to be a choice. He brushed his thumb lightly against Oz's cheek with a worried frown before he set Oz and Alice down. The table had been pushed to the corner of the room, but not overturned thankfully, and he let them each drink before he set the key onto the ground and then brought the little bottle to his lips as he drank what was left of it.

Just after Alice and Oz had experienced their _whoosh_, Gilbert did as well and he found himself at a proper height with the others, albeit that they were all shrunk.

Oz clapped Gilbert's back as he smiled brightly at the other. "See, Gil? Nooo problem~"

Gilbert wasn't too sure about that, but he was relieved that they were of the same size at least as he ruffled the other's hair lightly. He thought back to their conversation in the parlor, but now was not the time to remark on it…or dwell on that brief flicker of sadness he'd seen in his young master's eyes when he'd foolishly spoken the wrong thing….still… "Hey…Oz…I-"

"Found it!" Oz kicked the key beside him, it wasn't as though it were hard to see in their current forms. "Help me, Gil." he said as he picked up one end before he found the whole key taken by Gilbert with relative ease, and the other didn't seem to notice the scenario. Oz flushed just slightly and pouted. "Jeese, Gil…" he grumbled. It was convenient in a way, but such a pain as well….he missed his little Gil, but big Gil was dear too, so it was alright.

Oz and Alice followed Gilbert to the door where he hesitated before he lifted the key and missed, shoving it into the handle.

"You're too clumsy, give it to me!" Alice demanded and she tried to grab it but Gilbert let it balance on the ground in one hand as he held her at bay by the forehead.

"Knock it off, stupid rabbit." he growled.

"Ow, that _hurt_." a voice huffed and the three froze.

"Over here!"

The door suddenly had a face and it didn't look happy as it glared at them. "Shoving things in faces…how utterly rude. No one bothered to teach you manners, obviously."

Alice, Oz, and Gilbert gaped.

"The door…is talking.." Gilbert mumbled, astonished.

"The door, doesn't like to be talked about, thank you very much!" it gave an indignant sniff.

Oz looked to Alice and Gilbert before he stepped forward. "Do you know how to get out of here?" he asked politely.

The door huffed and then replied. "The only way out, is to go through me. But I'm not sure I want to open now. Brainless bunch of-"

"-It's reeeeeeallly important that we leave…and he's really sorry, my servant is just a clumsy oaf-"

"-Hey!" Gilbert protested.

"-Anyway, will you please let us pass?" Oz asked sweetly.

The door eyed him a moment before it sighed. "Oh, fine. But only because you said please. Now then, put the key in _here_." it opened it's 'mouth' wide and Gilbert hesitated before he slipped the key in and turned it.

The door creaked and then slowly opened, and Alice, Oz, and Gilbert stepped through the door into the strange world of Wonderland…

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**Bwah, it's 11:50pm and I have to be up at 5:50am for one more 12 ½ hour shift. ;-; *sob* I kept dozing off writing this but I was determined to finish, hope it's nice and such …Enjoy! XD **


	3. Gardens of Illusion

**Oops. I should have made Gil cry, I figured that'd be dorky but I didn't really think about it like that and it just seemed that he wouldn't actually cry if I was being honest. But cheese whiz. XD I have it all planned out…ish. Gil'll meet Cheshire. Oz'll meet the Caterpillar. Alice…uh…we'll see. They'll all meet the tea-party folk…and then I know Alice/the Queen. Everything else I'm sort of piecing together as I go XD Whee And by the by, this is semi a cross between versions of AIW, and my own interpretation/ideas. I don't want to write a copy of all the others or anything, but I still want to hold onto the original genius. There'll be original-story charries, and a few charries of my own devising XD ~ **

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It was a garden, but like none they had ever seen.

For starters, it quite dwarfed them. Spirals of vines clung to the walls behind them and large bushes of exotic plants surrounded them, towering trees and huge hanging flowers.

"Ahh, it's so pretty…" Oz seemed enchanted, Alice fascinated, and Gilbert just looked wary. Oz seemed to notice Gilbert's displeasure and he poked his servant in the side. "What's wrong, Gil? You like gardens." he pointed out with a faint pout. He had a pretty good idea that it had to do with the whole 'falling down the rabbit hole' thing, but he was concerned that Gilbert might still be upset and furthermore…Oz still felt rather upset himself, not that he would show it or admit it…

Oz didn't expect Gilbert to care for him as much as he cared for Gilbert, but…he thought he meant more to the other than as a mere master. Surely Gilbert's unwavering devotion, the ten years he'd spent trying to rescue Oz, surely that proved that there was more to it…Oz didn't want to be liked by Gilbert just for being there, he wanted to mean something to the other as well…

"Well, yeah…but we have no idea where we are, and this is…a strange garden.." Gilbert said with a frown.

"Well I like it!" Alice announced as she grabbed Oz's wrist. "C'mon! I wanna explore it!"

"A-Alice," Oz was surprised but he allowed himself to be dragged off by the other, and he shot Gilbert a grin when his servant looked annoyed but followed anyway.

"We should be trying to find a way out of here, stupid rabbit, not going further in." Gilbert grumbled as he kept close to Oz's side.

"Tch. That's what we're doing too, isn't it? We can't go back the way we came, and I don't want to get squished again just because you ate something stupid." Alice said haughtily and Gilbert flushed.

"Don't be mean, Alice, Gil only did it to keep me from eating it. Right, Gil?" Oz flashed him a bright smile.

Gilbert's flush darkened. "You don't have to sound so happy about it, you could try to be more careful…" he mumbled. Isn't that what Oz had said that he would do, and yet, there he was…perfectly ready to have drunk something possibly poisonous.

"Gil's no fun." Oz drawled and Alice scoffed.

"I coulda told you that, Oz. Hey, look." she drew up short and released Oz's wrist to point. "There's someone there."

By now, they'd reached a clearing of large flowers and amongst them with a watering can was a man with a bright orange braid that trailed down his back, and curious, bright green clothes. "Maybe this garden is his…? Hey, there!" Oz called and the man didn't look up. "Huh…hey! Are you-"

"Shh!" the man suddenly whirled around to shush them. In a few quick strides he stood before them and though he hadn't seemed it at first, he was a fair bit taller than they were, even Gilbert by at least a foot.

"These flowers are napping." he snapped. "How very rude, to come at such a time. And for young ladies no less to be trampling about…"

"Young ladies?" Alice and Oz repeated in unison.

The man huffed. "Well the pair of you, obviously. As for you," he turned a glare onto Gilbert. "Shouldn't you be taking better care of your charges? How incompetent. You're a failure as a caretaker. Oh yes, quite utterly."

Alice, Oz, and Gilbert all stared at the man. But what Oz came back to was-

"I am not a lady!"

"Well obviously not, a lady wouldn't be so crass." the man sniffed indignantly.

"No, I mean that I'm a boy!" Oz protested.

The man suddenly seemed inclined to pity. "Come now." he patted Oz's head. "You're crass, but you needn't insult yourself so, you're a lovely young lady and pink is such a marvelous color on you, you simply need to learn manners is all. Give it time." he said sagely and Oz looked aghast. "Yes, you're really a lily, aren't you? Shy and lovely, but full of life underneath. Give it time, my dear, and you will bloom quite nicely." the man nodded.

Oz just stared at the man in silent horror. "But…I'm not a girl! Gil, Alice, say something!"

Alice stared before she snorted in laughter, and Gilbert wore a similar look crossed between sympathy and reluctant amusement. "It's cause you're wearing a dress, Oz." she snickered.

"It's a ceremonial robe." Oz muttered with a pout.

"Looks like a dress to me." Alice said as she eyed Oz, who only seemed further embarrassed.

"Be quiet, stupid rabbit. It's not Oz's fault that he has to wear a dr-ceremonial robe." Gilbert corrected sheepishly as Oz shot him a glare.

"Yes, well, either way, gender-issues aside…it is nap-time, so if you would kindly leave…"

"Oh! That's what we wanted to ask, you see, we fell down a rabbit hole and ended up here-"

"A rabbit hole?" the man eyed Oz then and his eyes widened. "You must be Alice! The same blonde hair, after all, and such a curious dress…Alice has returned to Wonderland!""Alice…Wonderland?"

"My name is Alice!" Alice protested. "That's Oz! He's not a girl, stupid."

"And a girl pretending to be Oz, and Alice pretending to be a boy, and you, are you supposed to be Alice's lover, hmm?"

Gilbert flushed several shades of red. "E-Excuse me? That's not…Oz and I…Oz is my young master!"

"I am not a girl!"

The man didn't seem to notice their protests. "Oh, this is grave news, grave news indeed…I simply must warn her majesty, oh good Heavens, it'll be my head for sure if I don't…Oh dear…" he turned to eye them. "This won't do. Oh, not at all. You must leave at once, you must leave…what to do? Ohh, I know." he picked up his watering can as he faced them all. "I'll just wash you away."

He lifted his can and splashed them all, but rather than sprinkles, a torrent of water came rushing down on them.

"O-Oz!" Gilbert spluttered.

"Gil! Alice!" Oz reached his hand for Gilbert's.

"Oz!" Alice made to grab for him.

All three were pulled under the rushing waters and when it finally stopped, each rose to regard their surroundings.

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"Oz! Seaweed head!" Alice looked around in confusion. Rather than the garden, she was before an oddly rounded house, and surrounded by rather normal-sized surroundings.

"Mary Ann! Mary Ann, hurry up, you slow girl!" a white rabbit in a waist coat raced by. "I'll be late for sure! Hurry now!"

"You!" That had to be the white rabbit that Oz mentioned. "Hey, you! Come back here!" she shouted as she raced after him.

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"Ugh…" Gilbert shook his head out to clear it of the water in his ears. He was surrounded by dense forest and strangely colored trees with the oddest birds he'd ever seen. They were exotic colors and had abnormally round eyes.

"Admiring the birds?" there was a chuckle and Gilbert whirled around but saw no one. The voice seemed to come from all around him and echo faintly.

"Who are you?" Gilbert had already pulled out his gun and he held it at the ready.

"Mmm. I am an admirer of birds myself…eating them that is. You look especially tasty, little raven. But don't worry, I won't bite _you_." the voice chuckled and Gilbert watched in stunned horror as before him appeared a…_cat_.

"C-C-Cat.." Gilbert stammered.

"Very good!" the cat spun from it's place in midair to 'clap' it's paws. "What a smart little raven I've caught in my claws~" the cat chimed happily.

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Oz coughed and spluttered as he expelled all the water he'd swallowed from his system and lifted his gaze upwards to look around. "Gil…? Alice…?" He appeared to be alone in a field of giant mushrooms…what was going on?

"You look rather lost…" a voice drawled from behind him and Oz whirled around to see a giant caterpillar atop one of the aforementioned mushrooms, he had a large hookah pipe and blew a ring of purple smoke. "Well, boy, can't you speak?"

"You know that I'm a boy!"

The caterpillar gave him a dry look. "That was not an answer to my question. But yes, it's perfectly obvious to _me _that you are a boy-despite your odd habit of dressing. What isn't obvious, however, is who you are."

"Who I am?"

A ring of green smoke flew towards him. "Yes. _Who_ are _you_?"

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**And now we're set for go! XD I tried not to make the intro too dorky. Caterpillar and Cheshire will be smart enough to realize Oz's gender but expect the running gag to ensure that no one else does. Maybe. Probably. We'll see. XD ~ **


End file.
